I Miss Somewhere Else
Last summer, I went to Finland. M and I ventured to many grocery stores while there, where I amassed a Moomin card collection.
I thoroughly enjoy how these cards are categorized by type. The types I managed to gather were 2 seasonal cards, quote cards, tribute cards, character cards, photo album cards, adventure cards, and my favorite FLUFFY CARDS. I haven't opened a pack of cards since buying Pokémon cards as a pre-teen. As an adult, I have engaged with blind boxes, which are basically the same thing. The dopamine high is the same.
I particularly love this card:
If my husband were a Moomin character, he would indeed be the curmudgeon hemulen. If you are familiar with the stories, he would be the hemulen (see story from Tales from Moominvalley) who worked for his family's loud amusement park. He retires to an isolated garden, where the hemulen slowly constructs the new home into a playground for the local children who bring merriment and squeals, noises reminiscent of his previous life.
We stayed in Turku and Helsinki during the trip. I could've stayed eons longer, hell, if we could move there... Somehow, M has relatives in Finland. Maybe they could adopt us? Learning Finnish would be a nightmare for me lol. But I'd still give it a try, valiantly!!
A mid-blog consideration: I tend to journal my trips. Since I was a child, I've always done a form of what is now called junk-journaling for such entries. I love my Finland (and Denmark - we spent some days there before) entry I did last year. I don't think I'll blog trips in the future. I'll stick to what I know. Perhaps I can post snippets of my entries and summarize the best bits?
I grasped onto that trip for dear life. I was in a bad state mentally (and physically). I cried when I saw NYC through the plane window, signaling a return to the way of life I dreaded. Little did I know that a month later I would be laid off, significantly reducing that pervasive anxious buzz that followed me fucking everywhere. It still does, but it was different then. It was an escape. I don't like thinking of my lovely trip like that, but if I am honest, for the last 2-3 trips me & M had, our lives circled these trips as Earth circles the sun. The lead-up, the event itself, the remembrance, and the comedown, all to repeat when the next trip is negotiated for us to white-knuckle grip onto.
I don't want our trips to be a lifeline. The pressure becomes unbearable. I recall being on the train to Helsinki; we had hit the halfway point of our trip. I started to shut down and let fear rush in. Now each day wasn't just the next day of our trip; it was a day closer to when we'd have to leave. When I think back, this is often one of the first memories I think of. Like..what?? okay..? Major bummer on my part.
I miss Finland. I want to go back with a new mindset. Maybe one day. A day when I have a job again and some savings. Until then, I'll look at my pretty cards, read my Moomin stories, and imagine M as a hemulen.