Five Stages of CSS
I have been spending a ton of time on bearblog these past few days. I've attempted half-ass CSS on the backend and managed to discover very basic things. You can highlight this text, and it'll show green instead of the standard blue color lol!!!
I've gone through the 5 stages of grief in less than a week.
1. Denial
The fact that I thought I could create this landing page (see drawing below) with zero knowledge of website design is somewhat incredible. Somehow, I had conjured up the confidence of a perfectly bland white man in a boardroom. As an anxious girl, idk what came over me? I can't even figure out how to give my blog a unique domain at the moment, lol (I am close though..maybe?).
2. Depression
The girl stares with a blank face at a screen plastered with a foreign language neatly lined up in sweet little rows. A slight frown develops. A sigh is heard by the audience. 'What will she do in this dark time?', they wonder.
3. Anger/frustration
Spending hours typing "HTML vs CSS" into Google and thus inputting random code with no rhyme or reason to my site, while my husband and his parents (who are visiting this week to move out his 92-year-old Bubbe) chat in the living room, was not a high point. I was hungry too at this point. A horrendous combination. I looked up other lovely blogs and thought, how tf did they do that!!!
exhibit a: Ginoz Blog
exhibit b: Pretend Typewriter
exhibit c: Ava's Space
exhibit d: Scribblypam
exhibit e: RNOTTÉ
4. & 5. Bargaining & Acceptance
I sat back and took a breath. Closed my laptop and thought, I got to chill tf out. I originally chose a theme that I realized wasn't serving me, a brief 5 days later. So, I chose another. I knew getting the site to flow the way I'd like was going to take time (yes, much more time than a week, arica [my name - hi]). I am unemployed right now. Technically, I do have a job lined up (onto month 7 of onboarding).
Side bar: I was laid off at the very end of Sept '25, three days after I got married lol. I'll write about this more in a future blog, but it was one of the best days of my life hahaha. I do not want to be offensive here for people who were traumatically fired or laid off, and then dropped into the absolute shitshow that is the 2025-26 U.S. job market, but I was mentally declining fast at the start of the summer due to this job. Declining to the point where I was having scary thoughts I've never had before. It was well past time for me to distance myself from that environment.
During this time, I frequently experience a feeling of urgency that all my creative endeavors must be completed or started while unemployed, or else I will never get the chance again. It is silly in theory, but also partially a reality for me previously. I have to believe that my new job will be better than my last, and truly, I do believe it. There are pros & cons to all jobs. Work culture is a huge contributor to well-being and longevity for someone who is autistic like me. I deeply believe the previous toxic culture will not flood over into this new role. My last job was my first proper, non-interning role. I don't have much to compare to. But still. I believe I will be able to do personal things that are fulfilling, while working a job that is also humanistically fulfilling and rewarding for the soul.
I will start slow. I can tinker (like Bell) in the years to come, whether unemployed or employed. I am not a UX designer or whatnot. I took one Python data analysis/stats class in graduate school 4ish years ago. Remember, me, I am not even resume-level 'proficient' at this stuff, I am just a person having fun with a digital garden/blog.
July 14, 2026 Update
I made a lot of progress today. I figured out my dark and light modes, upvote button, header size, and how to insert a gallery. It only took me all damn day.